Beloved Friends and Colleagues!
Today I found time, in our reflections to ask you the above question, assuming you are a young male or female member of our Organisation? We do not intend to underate the sublime importance of marriage, an institution ordained by God himself. Marriage is an important part and parcel of our life in the society. Especially for an African, it is taken for granted that everyone, male or female should marry at one time or the other.
In fact, there would be no gainsaying that we are all products of marriage and members of different families. We are happy and proud of our families. We are proud of our parents for the roles they have played and are playing in our lives.
Expectedly our experiences of family and family life are varied and different. Some have good and enriching experiences while some do not. In all the family should be a home to all its members. It should be the community of love of parents and siblings, a true place of love, and mutual support.
Unfortunately, today, it seems that things have changed. There seem to exist more troubles, conflicts and wars in some of our families. The whole family ecosystem seems to be infected with one virus of hate or the other. Is it any wonder that today many marriages are at the brink of total collapse. The love that bound couples together in mutual respect and trust seem to be getting weaker and unsustainable. The centre is no longer able to hold.
Despite the ugly situations of hate and wars in some families and among so many couples, marriage remains an important life engagement without which society cannot grow and thrive. Marriage and family life hold still wonderful attractions. And society should support young people to respond to the intimate feelings of being called to a life of union with one’s heart throb.
As foundational as it is, the question remains valid, whether everyone, male and female adults are called to the state of married life? Is it possible today, to believe that not everyone is called to the vocation of marriage?
Yes, a good number of our young men and women seem to be desperate to get married, while some are obviously indifferent about marriage. But for those who are desperate, especially young women, who think that times are no longer on their sides, should spend some time in thoughts about the question, whether one must get married? Is it absolute that one must marry? Yes, when one finds one’s missing rib? But if the rib has actually been lost in the vicissitudes of time and history, is it still possible to be married?
It is our considered opinions that marriage is a noble vocation, but it is not open for everyone. Those who have the vocation should be encouraged to find their lost ribs and establish happy and enduring families. But for those who do not have the vocation should not be desperate about that great call to union. One would ask, what then is life for such people? Your guess is as good as mine.
Experience has taught us that it was better to remain single, unmarried and happy, than to be desperately married and remain in hell on earth. Being married for the wrong reasons and to wrong persons is the simplest definition of hell on earth. We can spare ourselves the agony of such a situation when we are open to the discernment processes, to ascertain where and how the unseen hand of destiny directs the course of our being.
Shalom
Uchechukwu Fr Obodoechina
The Executive Secretary/CEO
Caritas Nigeria